Frequently asked
FAQs.
Answers to the questions people ask right before they buy a crowave, and right after they start telling everyone about it.
Buying a crowave
What is the price of my crowave?
More expensive than you think, due to one-off construction and loads of opinions.
Is my crowave really better than your crowave?
Yes. That’s the whole point. Yours is better than theirs, theirs is better than someone else’s, and so on down the line until it reaches a crowave somebody’s uncle bought at a yard sale.
Isn’t a crowave just a regular—
No. There is no regular. There are crowaves, and there are better crowaves.
How long does delivery take?
Every crowave is built by hand after a design review in which our team argues about your knob choices. Most arguments resolve within a fiscal quarter.
Can I return my crowave?
You can return it to the counter. You can’t return it to us. Every crowave is one of one, so the resale market consists entirely of you.
Designing one
What is possible?
Whatever you can imagine, our engineers feel like implementing, our lawyers approve, and your local, state, and federal laws allow.
What happens if I choose Un-hinged?
The door just comes off. This is a feature. The warranty covers doors coming off. It does not cover doors staying on.
Why is “No panel” listed under screens?
Mo Naught insisted. We stopped asking questions after that.
Can I copy one of the designer crowaves?
You can start from one and make it yours. The designers have been told. They are handling it about as well as you’d expect.
Can I see what other people made?
Yes, on Recent Crowaves. They’re fine. Yours is better.
Owning one
Can I put metal in my crowave?
No. The crowave itself is mostly metal, and it has asked for some personal space.
Does it come with a warranty?
A lifetime warranty on opinions. Hardware is covered for 90 days or until your first argument about it, whichever comes first.
Will my crowave talk to me?
No. It will beep three times at the end of every cycle, and you will understand exactly what it means. The exception is The Mixtape, which won’t stop talking and has never once said anything original.
Is it safe to leave my crowave unattended?
Yes, but it will notice.
Why does the mug inside keep spinning?
It’s happy. Leave it alone.
Still have questions?
Design a crowave anyway. Most questions go away once you own one.